There's really only one way to describe this film. You know when your friend has a really cool story, and it's actually hilarious, and since you're really good friends you're around him all the other times he tells it? Well now that story sucks doesn't it? Welcome to Fast and Furious. I had a chance to catch an early screening of this (at least it was free) and it was less than stellar, even for this type of movie.

The tagline for this film is "New Model. Original Parts." First of all I don't know why anyone would want a new car with old parts, but good try with the cleverness (it's about all the wit you'll see in regards to this film). Second of all, the problem with all the "original parts" coming back (this fourth installment which a friend of mine has dubbed 4 Fast 4 Serious brings back original cast members Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster) and that's where the money went, because it's certainly not in the action sequences. But let's begin at the beginning...

So The Fast and the Furious was a fun little, adrenaline rushed, popcorn flick. No doubt. Aside from the mediocre writing and consistently terrible acting, there's some great races, chases and action, and I even enjoyed the slightly innovative techniques of using footage shot from outside of the car, then in one full move sweeping into the driver's seat of the car, swirling around, and then back out the other side of the car. It's a combination of real footage, CG and green screen work, but it was fast-paced and made for a good edit. All that goes out the window with this one.

Here's the story (and there's a spoiler here, but it has to be said because the spoiler is the inciting incident for the rest of the film): Dominic Torretto (Diesel) and Letty (Rodriguez) are teamed up with some people south of the border and are stealing gas for street races as they work to get closer to some hotshot drug dealer. Long story short, Letty is killed, and Dom is off to find out just who's responsible. Meanwhile, in pursuit of the same drug dealer we find Brian O'Conner (Walker) working for the FBI trailing this same drug dealer, and as we come to find out, Letty had been working undercover for him while in Mexico with Dom. Now in order to actually get face to face with this drug dealer, Dom and Brian, driven by revenge and duty respectively have to enter a street race to try and get a job running drugs back in Mexico. Everything stems from their previous relationship to each other, and the loyalty and strange friendship they have with each other.

The problem with this flick is it's just not as fun as the first one (which is the pinnacle of these films). The races are bland and unexciting. They couldn't even give Brandon T. Jackson (Alpa Chino from Tropic Thunder) any good one-liners during a street race. One of the "action sequences" takes place in a series of tunnels through a small mountain range on the border. It's just simple swerving and no suspense or tense moments at all. And then they revert back to these tunnels for the "climax." It's neither fast (especially in the pacing of the film) or furious.

And while dialogue was never a strong suit in these movies, it's like they're not even trying. It's the most contrived, amateur writing I've heard in a long time. And it doesn't help that Paul Walker is back (who is basically a poor version of Hayden Christensen) or that Vin Diesel still looks and talks like an ape.

There are two midly interesting tidbits about this film. Vin Diesel is working along with some Asian guy in Mexico, and apparently this guy is from Tokyo Drift, BUT when he makes reference to it, it's like he hasn't been there yet (something like "I hear there's some crazy shit going on in Tokyo"). So it looks like this film happens between the second and third movies. But my favorite tidbit is something that I created myself. There's a green Gran Torino, similar to the one in the film Gran Torino, but it's just tricked out. I'd like to think that Thao (the kid who bonds with Clint Eastwood) got caught up in the gang life and tricked out this car, and somehow or another he got killed or lost it in a race. What I'm saying is, the most fun I had in this flick was wishing other things would happen in it. Save your life and save your money, and just put this in your Netflix Queue if you really have to watch it.